Two Ugly Sisters
by LoveKittyPaw
Summary: Two very ugly girls obsessed with Legolas fall into Middle Earth through a mirror! Please read and please review! I live off reviews, I NEED REVIEWS! YEAH! **bows** Thank you! ^_^
1. Two Fat Sisters Get A big Surprise

**Author's Note*** Alright her goes: I own none of the characters except for the ones that I made up myself (ex.-Olga, Helga) all the others Tolkien has. By the way, I don't mean to be to offend anyone by saying the sisters are fat. So please don't sue my b/c I have no money and live off cornbread and rice. And if you haven't already seen, REVIEWS! So please review! And please no flames b/c I don't want to feel any worse about my life. I mean, I already only live off cornbread and rice. (and reviews, hint hint wink wink nudge nudge) Anywayz, on with the show!  
  
Chapter One: Two Fat Sisters Get a Big Surprise  
  
Olga and Helga were walking home from their high school. They were twin sisters and in the twelfth grade, and REALLY hated their school. (Everybody does, right?) Though they may have hated it so much because they were ugly. I mean REALLY UGLY. Imagine the ugliest person you have ever seen, and then multiply it by ten. THAT was how ugly they were Oh, and they both weighed about 400 pounds, and were roughly the size of a baby killer whale. In spite of this, they both really thought they were incredibly sexy, and were wearing incredibly revealing outfits. Though unfortunate for innocent bystander's eyes, all that their outfit revealed was their excessive fat, among other things that, trust me, you did not want to see. But if you got past all that, plus their annoying voices, they were really very nice girls. They really just needed weight watchers and a makeover. So they were both walking home from school together (actually, it was more like waddling) and discussing their  
favorite movie, the Lord of the Rings.  
  
"Oh my God, I think Legolas is SO HOT!" screeched Olga in a voice that shattered glass and scared all the birds away from a nearby tree.  
  
"I totally agree sis." Answered Helga. "Wouldn't it be great if we could really go to Middle Earth? That would be so fun! And then Legolas would fall in love with us and we'd live happily ever after!"  
  
"Definitely! I mean, we are completely foxy." Said Olga. "Oh, here's the store. We have to pick up some more milk for mom."  
  
Olga and Helga walked into the shop and picked up the milk. Then, something caught their eye. A mirror, which had never been there before, was standing on the opposite corner of the store. (Think the mirror of Erised from Harry Potter) Olga and Helga walked up to it and examined their beautiful (they thought) reflections.  
  
"OOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm so pretty." Said Helga, flipping her hair and throwing showers of dandruff all over a nearby customer.  
  
Olga stood next to Helga and made a similar pose in the mirror. They both bent forward to kiss their reflections when........ the mirror suddenly seemed to tip towards them, and Olga and Helga fell straight into the mirror and into the depths beyond. 


	2. Some Elves Get a Big surprise

Chapter Two: Some Elves Get a Big Surprise  
  
Olga and Helga both landed in a pile of soft fragrant grass with a ground-lurching thud. They got up slowly and stared around at the dense trees and dappled sunlight around them.  
  
"Wow, I wonder where we are?" asked Helga in her high nasal voice that disrupted the tranquil quiet around them. Several squirrels started chattering angrily, along with some birds. Suddenly, two elves, clad in camouflage green and brown, drew their bows and pointed one at Olga and one at Helga. But they seemed to be unsure of where to point them, because they couldn't quite decide where Olga and Helga's heads ended and their necks began. Finally, they decided to direct their bows at Olga and Helga's heads.  
  
"Hey, don't hurt us!" Olga squealed.  
  
"Yeah, don't hate us `cause we're beautiful!" said Helga. The poor elves didn't know what to say to these strange (and untrue) phrases. They looked at each other with puzzlement.  
  
"You will come with us to the palace of the king of Mirkwood." One said finally, motioning with his bow for Olga and Helga to start walking. The two sisters looked at each other excitedly.  
  
"Mirkwood?!" screeched Helga.  
  
"Can you be quiet?" said the other elf, exasperated. "I swear to Elbereth." He whispered under his breath. Olga, Helga, and the poor unlucky elves walked for about 15 minutes, but the sisters were panting by the time they reached the palace.  
  
"The king will see you now." Said the elves, and walked away, relieved. Olga and Helga walked into the throne room, and gasped.  
  
"King Thranduil?" they said in unison, and then screamed when he nodded, and started jumping up and down, making the ground of the throne room rock.  
  
"Where's Legolas? Where's Legolas? Where's Lego-"but the king interrupted Helga before she could finish.  
  
"I think the question is what you were doing in my wood." Said the king with a frown. Both the girls immediately started talking at the same time.  
  
"We were looking in a mirror-"  
  
"Fell inside-"  
  
"Two elves-"  
  
"Very jealous of us-"  
  
"Brought us here-"  
  
"And can you tell Legolas we want to see him?" Olga finished breathlessly. The king of Mirkwood rubbed his head. He was getting a major migraine just listening to these two.  
  
"Put these two humans into a cell until I can think of what to do with them." Said the king, reaching for a bottle of Advil. So Olga and Helga, still straining their heads for any sign of Legolas, were led off into the elfin prison. 


	3. Two Fat Sisters Get another Surprise

Chapter Three: Two Fat Sisters Get Another Surprise  
  
Olga and Helga were led to a cell. The bars were made of light, but strong, metal, and inside were two beds and a healthy supply of food. (But for the sisters, the food supplies would probably last about .25 seconds.) They sat down on the beds that creaked in protest from the large amount of weight they were being subjected to, and sighed.  
  
"I guess we'll never get to see Legolas now." Said Helga sadly. Suddenly, from the cell next to them came a psssssssssssttttttt noise.  
  
"Hey girls..." said a creaky voice.  
  
"Who are you?" asked Olga, moving closer to the door so she could hear better.  
  
"A friend." Said the Mysterious Voice. "I know that you want to see Legolas more than anything. But do you think you can make him fall in love with you the way you look now?"  
  
"But we're beautiful." Protested Helga, moving to sit with her sister. There was  
  
pause of disbelief in the other cell.  
  
"But I can make you even more beautiful then you are now." Continued the  
  
Mysterious Voice.  
  
"We're listening." Said Olga and Helga at the same time, the combination of their screechy voices making the unseen Mysterious Voice wince.  
  
"But only for a favor." Continued the Mysterious Voice.  
  
"Keep talking" said Olga.  
  
"I shall tell you what this is in exactly eight days from now. Do you agree?" But visions of Legolas combing their hair and feeding them grapes were already dancing in the girls' minds.  
  
"WE AGREE! WE AGREE!" the girls said. The Mysterious Voice waved his  
  
wand in the other cell. Suddenly, Helga and Olga, who used to be identically ugly in  
  
every way, began to change. Their dandruff-ridden black hair was now no longer smelly  
  
and frizzy, but sleek, shiny, and waste-length, like an elegant black cape. Their watery,  
  
muddy brown eyes turned to a clear, crystal blue. Their fat bodies were replaced by slim  
  
curves. Their faces, once pudgy with a huge, bumpy nose, were now slender, straight, and  
  
flashed a brilliant smile. And in place of their hideously revealing clothes were  
  
champagne colored dresses with intricate red embroidery.  
  
"Oh my gosh, we're beautiful!" exclaimed Olga, and her voice, once shrill and  
  
annoying, was now smooth and gracefully low.  
  
"LEGOLAS WON'T BE ABLE TO RESIST US!" they both screamed. 


	4. Legolas and King Thranduil Get a Big Sur...

Chapter Four: Legolas and King Thranduil Get a Big Surprise  
  
Legolas and his father, King Thranduil, walked down the hallway of the elfin prison. The king had brought his son along because those insane girls kept asking for him. Maybe Legolas could make those girls' annoying voices shut up...But as they got to the cell, instead of ugly humans, there were the most beautiful, elegant elves either the king or the prince had ever seen.  
  
"I thought you said they were ugly." Legolas hissed in his father's ear. Then, in a completely different voice, Legolas opened the cell and said, "Ladies, forgive us for being rude. I am Legolas, heir to the throne of Mirkwood, and this is my father, king Thranduil, as you have already met." He took Helga's now slender hand and kissed it. Helga giggled and tried to peer at him seductively through her new long lashes. (C'mon, Legolas does have some testosterone, you know. And keep in mind; these two are very pretty now. They look kind of like a more beautiful version of Arwen that was in the movie. Girls, what would you do if you saw a hot guy standing there? I thought so. Anyways...) "And what would your names be?" asked Legolas, giving Olga's hand the same treatment.  
  
"I'm Ol-"But before she could finish, Helga had jabbed her painfully in the ribs.  
  
"Oldessa. Her name is Oldessa." Said Helga, giving Olga a silencing look. "And my name is Heldessa." Finished Helga a.k.a Heldessa.  
  
"It is a pleasure to meet two gorgeous elves with such beautiful names as lovely as themselves." Said Legolas. Both girls jointly giggled. `This is guy is one smooth operator!' they thought. "Would you please join us in the main hall for dinner? The pleasure of your company would be sorely missed if you did not." Said Legolas, turning on the charm. This brought on more giggles as `Heldessa' and `Oldessa' nodded. They followed the king and prince into the main hall, both giving each other mutual winks and nods of success. 


	5. Some Dinner Guests Get a Big Surprise

Chapter Five: Some Dinner Guests Get a Big Surprise  
  
Helga and Olga (or should I say Heldessa and Oldessa) followed Legolas and Thranduil into the beautiful Great Hall. Many elves were already seated and chattering happily, but when Olga and Helga entered, they all turned to stare. Olga and Helga awkwardly took seats at the table as storms of elf whispers broke out around them. Legolas and Thranduil both sat at the head of the table as the food began to be served. Baskets of sweet wild berries, loaves of fresh bread, plates of fish, jugs of wine, and what seemed to be a huge wild boar were set onto the table. The elves helped themselves. The evening was getting along quite nicely until Helga dropped her fork.  
  
"Oh, excuse me." She said to the elf next to her as she bent to retrieve her fork. But as she was getting up she bumped into the elf next to her, who fell into the plate of fish in front of him, which caused the plate to bounce up and hit the elf across from Helga, who slammed into the wall causing a sword on display to fall and skewer the boar. Then the boar rolled across the table, knocking down jugs of wine and disrupting plates of food, and fell right into kind Thranduil's lap.  
  
Then, Legolas and Olga both tried at the same time to get the boar of Thranduil's lap, but their heads banged together with a sickening crack sound, which knocked out Legolas but only left Olga dazed because she had a really hard head. Olga, spluttering apologies, stood up, presumably to get a better vantage point of which to try and help the king, but she had somehow gotten the white tablecloth stuck to her dress. So as she stood up the whole tablecloth rippled toward her, and the remaining food fell off the table. Thranduil's eyes were closed in embarrassment; Legolas' head had fallen into a bowl of soup because he was still unconscious, and many other elves were nursing small injuries while others just sat motionless in complete and utter surprise. This kind of thing hadn't happened at the table of Thranduil since never.  
  
"We're... sorry?" said Olga and Helga at the same time. Then, something even stranger happened. Olga's crystal blue eyes flashed back to her muddy brown color before turning back to blue. Helga's stomach bulged out with fat before settling back down. Both of their hair began to curl up to its original state. Their clothes flashed back and forth between the elf dress and human midriffs.  
  
"We... uh... have to go." Stuttered Helga, and her voice cracked to her annoying highness and then lowered drastically. They both ran out of the room, Olga still dragging the tablecloth with her until it finally came off. The sisters ran out of the hall and into a random hallway that was thankfully deserted. They were both back to their elfin forms.  
  
"Oh my gosh... what happened?" said Helga. 


	6. The Mysterious Voice Gets a Big Surprise

Chapter Six: The Mysterious Voice Gets A Big Surprise  
  
  
  
Olga and Helga were found by a seething mad Thranduil later that evening in a deserted room. When the girls saw him they immediately began apologizing, but Thranduil held up a hand for silence.  
  
"Come with me." He said, his voice dangerously quiet. The sisters followed, dismayed. The king led them past the hall, where elves were still trying to clean up the horrible mess. Then, he walked down a hallway and opened a door that revealed a rather pretty room with two four-poster beds. "Stay here until I can think of what I'll do with you." The king said, massaging his temples, thinking longingly of Advil. The girls flopped onto the beds as the door was closed.  
  
"What are we going to do now?" asked Olga. 'If you only hadn't dropped your fork…"  
  
"Hey, I wasn't the one who knocked Legolas unconscious." Said Helga.  
  
"Well, if you hadn't skewered the boar I never would have knocked him out." Said Olga, sticking her tongue out.  
  
"At least I didn't drag the tablecloth for ten feet." Shot back Helga.  
  
"Heyyyyyy Girrlllssssss……" said a voice suddenly.  
  
"Who's that?" asked Olga.  
  
"Don't worry, it's just the Mysterious Voice again. I thought you weren't going to bother us for another eight days." Said Helga.  
  
"Yeah well, I got bored. Anywaysssss……I have that little favor you have to do for me…." Continued the voice.  
  
"Go on. Our lives can't get any worse." Said Olga.  
  
"The king has something I want…" said the Mysterious Voice.  
  
"Oh now we're not stealing from the king. I thought we couldn't get in any more trouble, but I guess now we can." Said Helga.  
  
"But you said you'd do it, or no more pretty. Think of how the king and Legolas would treat you then." Said the Voice. The girls pouted and looked at each other.  
  
"Fine." They said in unison.  
  
"Good. Now, the king has four crystal balls that I want. He keeps them in his room, which is down the third hallway from the banquet hall and the last door at the end of the hallway. Two big wooden doors. Can't miss 'em. Now, they're inside a locked cabinet. Here's the key.." an ornate silver key appeared in midair, "and just open up the cabinet and bring the balls back here. Then you'll receive further instructions." Helga hesitantly took the key that was hanging suspended in the air. "Okay then. Bye!!" said the Voice. The Voice was actually surprised the girls agreed. **That's where the big surprise part comes in! ^_^**  
  
"Well, let's get started." Said Olga. 


	7. Legolas Gets a Big Surprise

Chapter Seven: Legolas Gets a Big Surprise  
  
The girls opened the door of their room and hesitantly peered down the hallway, making sure the coast was clear. They walked into the banquet hall, which was now deserted and clean, and into the third hallway like the Mysterious Voice had said. A couple of elves were milling around, but Olga and Helga just kept their heads down and hoped nobody would recognize them. They didn't, and the girls continued down the twisting hallway until they came to the ornate mahogany doors. The doors had beautiful engravings on them, depicting elves singing and playing assorted instruments. Olga and Helga pressed their ears against the door, straining to hear if there was anyone inside. It didn't sound like it, so Olga gently pushed the door open a crack and looked inside. Nobody. She motioned to Helga that it was safe, and they both slipped quietly in. The bedroom was very pretty. A huge four-poster canopied bed draped in rich red and gold stood against the far wall. An intricate rug,  
depicting a forest scene, lay in the center of the room while a fountain bubbled happily in the left corner. Among other things in the room, there was a dresser made of almost golden wood and an ornate platinum mirror with emerald leaves wrapped around it. Then they spotted the cabinet. It was silver, with golden handles in the shapes of singing birds. In between the birds was the lock in the shape of a leaf. The girls practically tiptoed over to it, and Helga produced a bobby pin to Olga, who was the better of the two of them at picking locks. Olga pressed her ear against the cabinet as she worked the bobby pin inside the lock until a barely audible *click* was heard. The two doors swung soundlessly open. Inside were four balls about as big as a medium sized melon sitting on black stands and covered with crushed velvet purple cloths. Helga lifted the cloths off to reveal a many faceted crystal that looked like a huge diamond. Olga took two and Helga took two and they closed  
the doors of the cabinet and heard the lock catch. It looked like they were going to get away without being caught as they carefully began to open the huge mahogany doors. But before they could get them all the way open, the girls heard footsteps coming up the hall.  
  
"What do we do?' hissed Olga. The sisters looked desperately for a hiding place for the balls, but the crystals were too large to be set down anywhere. The footsteps came closer. Helga took a deep breath.  
  
"Put them down your dress!" she said to Olga, and slid the balls inside the top of her dress. Olga followed suit. Because of the size of the crystals the size of the sister's chests were now increased 100 percent. The girls quickly slipped out of the room as Legolas, sporting a huge purple and yellow bruise from his encounter with Olga the night before, turned the corner and came down the hall. The girls tried to lean against the wall nonchalantly as Legolas approached.  
  
"Why hel-" But Legolas' sentence was cut short as he noticed the sisters' huge cleavage. "lo." He finished quietly, trying to tear his eyes away from their chests. He looked back up quickly and cleared his throat loudly. "Good morning." He said with a last nod, and walked into his father's room, looking back once in disbelief. The girls walked briskly away, getting more stares as they passed male elves. Finally they made it back to their rooms.  
  
"So you got them, did you?" said the Mysterious Voice. "Good. Bring them out into the garden by the archery field." The girls exchanged confused glances, but they had gotten this far. With the balls still inside their dresses, they walked through the main hall and into the garden. 


	8. Mirkwood Gets a Big Surprise

Chapter Eight: Mirkwood Gets a Big Surprise  
  
The sisters carried the balls out into the garden inside their dresses. It was a beautiful day, and birds chirped merrily in the trees through which sunlight filtered in and was dyed emerald. They set the balls out onto the grass by the archery field. Suddenly a maniac laughing filled the air around them, and a figure, dressed all in white, appeared suddenly at the foot of the balls. He had L'Oreal hair (because he's worth it), and he picked up a ball and caressed it (with really long manicured fingernails that scare me). Guess who it is? Sauruman!  
  
"Mwuhahahahahaha!!!!!!!" he cackled "Finally, the crystals of Thranduil are mine! MINE!" A stooping figure appeared at his feet. "Gollum." It croaked in its throat. You know who that is! I just loved him too much to leave him out.  
  
"Ha Ha! My plan was ingenious! Gollum had been captured by the elves of Mirkwood before, so he was able to sneak around the palace and tell me where the crystals were! But he couldn't get them out himself, so I granted you your stupid wish to be beautiful so you would commit my crimes! Now, do you wish to ask any last questions before I bestow upon you a terrible fate?"  
  
" Yes." Said Olga. "Why did you want the crystals?"  
  
Sauruman shrugged. "They looked pretty. Now, SUFFER!" He raised his weird staff thingy and pointed it at Olga and Helga. But suddenly, Legolas showed up. He grabbed a bow from the archery field nearby and loosed an arrow at Sauruman. But it was too late. Sauruman fired a bolt of white light at the sisters, but he got away just in time, leaving the crystals behind. At first, it seemed like the light had no effect.  
  
"Legolas, YOU'RE OUR HERO!" screamed the girls, latching onto Legolas. But then their hair changed back to ugly. Their clothes morphed back. And they became fat again.  
  
"Nooooooooo!!!!! WE'RE LESS BEAUTIFUL!" they cried. Legolas looked on astonished. But then he felt kind of sorry for them. They weren't really bad girls after all. Nothing had happened to the crystals, and they were kind of sweet in a weird sort of way. So he smiled.  
  
"You're not that ugly. All you really need is weight watchers and a makeover." He said. The girls sniffed.  
  
"Really?" they asked with puppy dog eyes.  
  
"Really."  
  
"OOOOOOOOOH LEGGY!" they cried, latching onto him again. He sighed.  
  
"I hope."  
  
**Author's Note** What will happen to the girls? Will they ever get home again? Or will Legolas have to live with them clinging to him forever? I thought about writing more chapters, but writer's block has set in on this story. So without further adieu, here's the ninth and final chapter! 


	9. Two Pretty Girls Get a Big Surprise

Chapter Nine: Two Pretty Sisters Get a Big Surprise  
  
Olga and Helga spent two more months in Mirkwood under a strict weight loss program, and then were taken to Lothlorien so Galadriel could give them a makeover. On the first day of the third month the girls weren't as beautiful as they had been as Oldessa and Heldessa, but they still would have pulled the heartstrings of any elf or man. They had lost a significant amount of weight, and were now slender. Their black hair was now smooth and dandruff free thanks to the L'Oreal shampoo and conditioner king Thranduil had made Sauruman bring over to make up for disturbance by the archery field. They still had the same brown eyes and features, but they were carefully done up with makeup.(compliments of Galadriel.) Clad in elfin dresses, nobody could hesitate in calling them both very pretty girls.  
  
"Now you have to go home." Legolas told the girls firmly. `Think how much your family will have missed you."  
  
"But we want to stay here!" they said. Celeborn had been giving them voice lessons, and they sounded much better than how they had when the girls first appeared in Mirkwood.  
  
"Come on now. We'll miss you here too." Legolas said. He had grown rather fond of them, and would be kind of sorry to see them leave. He had set up a mirror where the girls had fallen into Mirkwood, hoping maybe that would work to get them home.  
  
"Can we have something to remember you by?" the girls pouted. Legolas handed them each a silver bracelet engraved with green leaves he had saved for the occasion. **Ain't he sweet?**  
  
"WE LOVE YOU LEGGY!" they said, squeezing him in a **very** powerful hug. He wouldn't be happy to see them go, but he **definetly** would be a little relieved.  
  
"Here. Now come on back to your own world. Your family must be worried sick." He gave them each a peck on the cheek, and stood them in front of the mirror. Once again it seemed like the mirror was tipping forward, and the girls fell back into their own world.  
  
The End!!!!!  
  
I hope y'all enjoyed my story! Thank u so much to all reviewers. IT REALLY MEANS A LOT!!!! Thanks Again! All my love  
  
Celeny 


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